I've deleted more photos of myself than I've kept. What that habit cost me, and when i stopped.

The Importance of Loving Yourself at Every Stage, Phase, and Size in Life

In a world dominated by social media and carefully curated images, it's easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism and comparison. For years, I found myself deleting more photos of myself than I kept, believing that if I didn’t see them, I wouldn’t have to confront the insecurities they stirred within me.

"My hair looks weird"

"That's not the right angle"

"That gave me a double chin"

"I knew that outfit looked off"

But you know what all that criticism cost me? Literal YEARS of memories where I was not present. I lived every day but there isn't much proof I was actually there.

The Cost of Deleting Memories

When I look back, I realize that my decision to erase photos was not just about the images themselves. It was a reflection of my struggle to accept the way that I saw myself in the photos. Each deleted photo represented a moment in time that I deemed unworthy of remembrance, a snapshot of a phase in my life that I felt embarrassed by or ashamed of. By discarding these memories, I inadvertently created gaps in my life’s narrative. There are entire years where I am a ghost—absent from the visual history of my experiences, celebrations, and milestones.

And the weird part is it wasn't because of criticism from others. Nobody else told me I was "too fat" or my hair wasn't "done nicely enough" to be in the photos. I put all of that weight on my own shoulders. I put that message in my own head an convinced myself it was fact.

Learning to Embrace Every Phase

It took time, but I eventually realized that every stage of life, every phase, and every size is worthy of love and acceptance. Each moment contributes to who we are today. Instead of focusing on perceived flaws, I started to celebrate my journey, recognizing that my body and my experiences are valid at every stage. Acknowledging that it has carried me this far and my worth as a person isn't defined by a size or anything else. Loving yourself means embracing the changes that life brings. If that means a new job, a shift in relationships, or changes in your physical appearance. It’s about understanding that you are more than your appearance; you are a collection of experiences, emotions, and memories that deserve to be cherished.

And I'm not going to say I'm perfect either. There are still days I shy away and offer to be the group photographer. There are days I don't feel my best and those same thoughts creep in. But I always remind myself I'd rather be present than "perfect".

Capturing the Moments

Now, I make a conscious effort to capture the moments that matter, regardless of how I look. I take photos with friends, family, and during significant events, allowing myself to be present and engaged. Last Christmas my brother and I did the most silly photoshoot cause all my mom wanted for Christmas was pictures. Each photo is a testament to my journey, a reminder that I am worthy of love and joy, no matter my size or appearance. It’s important to create a visual history that reflects the entirety of our lives. These images serve not just as memories but as affirmations of our growth and resilience. They remind us that we are continually evolving and that every phase is beautiful in its own right.

Until Next time,

xo Michaela